I was first told that I was pregnant I was at a weight loss visit with the doctor. I had been on a pretty strict diet and exercise program for a few months. Committing to a gluten free, dairy free, and sugar free life. Making sure to work out daily and get in those veggies. I was intermittent fasting and the whole bit. I was proudly 20 pounds down and feeling pretty good. Until the nausea struck. For a month I joked that I had a parasite and was taking a parasite cleanse. Thinking it has to be that bad sushi I ate in Miami. I even took 2 test convincing myself they were negative because the second line was so faint. I could barely make it to my workout classes I was so tired.
For years (about 15 to be exact) I was told my chances of having a baby were slim. I had been diagnosed with PCOS. My cycles were almost non existent. I could go 6 to 9 months without a cycle. And who knows about ovulation. My ex-husband wanted kids so he left after trying with no success. I had succumb to the fact that kids were not in my cards. And honestly I was at a point in my life that I was totally ok with it. I have other friends with infertility issues so I never worried about it.
Then bam. I sat in the office after they told me in complete and utter shock. I felt like I was in a dream. (still do sometimes) I went through telling everyone and everyone being so excited for me. I still felt like it was not real, this couldn’t really be happening. I wasn’t ready. We were not in a good place in life. It wasn’t that I wasn’t excited. I just didn’t think it was a good time. But this was my once in a lifetime chance. This was my chance to experience what so many other women have that I thought was never possible.
On January 23rd of 2020 the day before my scheduled C-section my little girl decided it was time. I was hoping to skip all that labor stuff, not that lucky. Because of complications with her cord it was off to the emergency C-section in the late evening. I was so nervous. I didn’t know what to expect or think. Then came the cutest most beautiful bundle of love I had ever seen. I am not really an emotional person but she got me. All I could do was sit and stare at her. I hurt from my incision and I was so exhausted but couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to freeze time. To stop this incredible moment. But instead its flying by at lightning speed.
I think having a baby at 35 makes you a little more mature. It makes you realize that time is valuable and you hold onto the precious moments tighter. I love to just lay there with her and hold her. I try not to rush around and worry about my house. I have to work so I make a commitment to put aside at least a couple of dedicated hours in my day that I don’t do anything but spend time with her.
Mom life has forever changed me as a person. I have a tiny human I’m responsible for now. I have someone counting on me for nourishment, love, and shelter. Mom life is the hardest task I have ever encountered. You give up parts of you to make your little one. Part of your body, part of your heart, and I definitely lost part of my mind (lol). This will be a journey of a lifetime and I pray everyday that its a long one filled with happiness and smiles.